Holding Space for Loss: Conversations on Grief and Hope
Grief has no expiry date. It doesn’t fade neatly after two years, nor can it be tidied away when life moves on. In my latest conversation with Mark Wilson, I was reminded that grief is not something we get over — it’s something we learn to live with, in ever-changing forms.
Mark’s story is one of love, loss, and profound service. Nineteen years ago, he lost his wife, Zeta, to suicide. What followed was not just a journey of survival but of transformation. Out of her legacy, Mark continues the work Zeta began through Solace Support Group, a peer-led space for people bereaved by suicide to gather, share, cry, laugh, and most importantly — remember.
Mark described the power of simply saying a loved one’s name. When someone dies by suicide, their story often becomes silenced, wrapped in stigma and fear. Yet in the Solace circle, names are spoken again. Stories are told. People are seen not for how they died, but for who they were — in all their humanity, laughter, creativity, and struggle. This, Mark said, is where healing begins: not by fixing or forgetting, but by honouring.
In our conversation, Mark reflected on how society still struggles to hold space for grief, especially suicide loss. People mean well but often shy away, unsure what to say or afraid of saying the wrong thing. “People don’t want to see you sad,” he said. “But sadness is not the problem — silence is.” His words remind us that compassion is not about finding the perfect response; it’s about presence. It’s about asking, “Tell me about them,” and listening without needing to make it better.
What struck me deeply was Mark’s description of the dual nature of grief and joy — how laughter and tears can sit side by side. At Solace, people cry and laugh in the same breath, remembering not just the pain of loss but also the warmth of life shared. As Mark put it, “We can’t necessarily make you feel better, but we can make sure you don’t feel alone. Because grief and loneliness are constant companions.”
He also spoke of the importance of boundaries and self-care — for those who support others through grief, as well as for those still navigating their own. After two decades of facilitating the group, Mark’s approach is simple but profound: he listens, connects, rides his bike, and makes time for life’s small joys — sunshine, rain, and the company of people who fill his cup.
What I took away most from this conversation is that grief is not a linear process. It’s cyclical, sometimes unpredictable, but always deeply human. As Mark said, “You can live and grieve at the same time. They can coexist.”
Whether it’s a parent who lost a child, a sibling, a friend, or a colleague, the invitation is the same — to hold space. Ask about their loved one. Remember birthdays. Acknowledge anniversaries. Say their name. These small acts of courage remind the bereaved that their loss — and their love — still matters.
If you are in Auckland and have experienced suicide loss, you can reach out to Solace Support Group via Facebook at Solace Support Auckland. The group meets monthly at the Community of St Luke on Remuera Road and welcomes anyone who wishes to connect, listen, and share.
As our conversation closed, Mark said something that stayed with me: “Hope is the most important thing. It might feel elusive, but it’s still there — waiting to be found again.”
Watch the full conversation here: Holding Space for Loss: Conversations on Grief and Hope – Conversation with Mark Wilson
Support and Resources in Aotearoa New Zealand
If this conversation brings up difficult emotions or memories, please know that help and connection are always available.
Reaching out for support is a sign of strength — you are not alone. Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak with a trained counsellor. It’s completely confidential and available 24/7 anywhere in Aotearoa.
Other Helplines and Support:
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or 09 522 2999 | Free text 4357 (HELP)
Suicide Prevention Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Youthline: 0800 376 633 | Free text 234
Samaritans: 0800 726 666
Community and Bereavement Support:
Solace Support Auckland — a group offering comfort and understanding for those who have lost a loved one. https://mentalhealth.org.nz/groups/group/solace-support-auckland
Community Support Groups — find peer-led groups across Aotearoa. https://mentalhealth.org.nz/groups
Suicide Bereavement Groups — spaces for shared healing and understanding. https://mentalhealth.org.nz/groups?category=SuicideBereavementGroups
Aoake te Rā – Bereaved by Suicide Services — free, nationwide support for individuals and whānau affected by suicide.https://www.aoaketera.org.nz/
Further Information and Resources:
Mental Health Foundation – Main Site https://mentalhealth.org.nz/
Suicide Prevention Resources https://mentalhealth.org.nz/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention-resources
Accessing Mental Health Services https://mentalhealth.org.nz/help/accessing-mental-health-services
Suicide Prevention in the Workplace https://mentalhealth.org.nz/resources/resource/suicide-prevention-in-the-workplace
Helplines & Support https://mentalhealth.org.nz/helplines In Crisis?
Find Help Here https://mentalhealth.org.nz/help
Suicide Prevention – Changing the Narrative on Suicide. How to communicate safetly about suicide in media, online and at events (Video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKkdxgKx1Vw&t=28s
Suicide Prevention and Community Support Webinar https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rz75-aVHhLI
