“If you could speak to your younger self, what would you say?”
At 86, Marlene Shrubshall imagines putting an arm around the younger woman she once was and reassuring her: “It’ll be okay.”
She knows her younger self might not have believed her. The reassurance means something different now, after a lifetime of experiences she could never have anticipated.
“I’m glad things didn’t go my way all the time,” she tells me.
Listening to Marlene, I was struck by how vividly she remembers the people who helped shape her life. She recalls their names, their generosity and the ordinary moments through which they made room for her. Her story carries a deep appreciation for what people can give one another: time, encouragement, an introduction, a willingness to listen.
The people who made room for her
Following a childhood accident and a year away from school, Marlene found herself out of step with her siblings. Books became something she could turn towards.
Mr Bane and Mr Thornton, two gentle cultivators, helped nurture that interest. They bought her books, including Little Women, which she read repeatedly. Mr Thornton, a professional pianist, also offered to teach her piano.
Every weekday after school, he gave her an hour and a half of his time.
Marlene remembers his discipline with humour. Occasionally, while he was away having a meal, she would move the clock forward to end the lesson earlier. Looking back, she recognises that he would have known.
Across the decades, the books, sheet music and lessons remain clear in her memory. So does the kindness behind them. These men became part of her life through the attention they gave a child finding her way.
Determination, drawn by hand
At 15, Marlene was expected to leave school and find work. Having fallen a year behind, she had not yet had the opportunity to sit her School Certificate.
She wanted to stay.
With her mother’s support, she negotiated another year, provided she could pay for her uniform and books. A school science competition offered a possibility. Marlene entered, determined to win.
Her subject was crabs. She researched them, wrote carefully by hand and meticulously painted the illustrations. A librarian supported her enthusiasm by setting aside books that might help.
Marlene won. She stayed at school.
During our conversation, she brought out the project she still keeps. As she revisited its pages, I could hear the energy of the teenager who had spent hours making it. The book holds both her determination and the encouragement of people who helped her pursue something that mattered.
Finding her own way
What was meant to be nine months overseas became nearly six years.
In London, Marlene discovered music and theatre that widened her world. She chose daytime clinic work so she could keep her evenings free for performances. The life she was discovering helped her decide how she wanted to spend her time.
She also began exploring beliefs beyond the Baptist upbringing she had known.
Two elderly sisters, Lily and Marion, welcomed her for Sunday high tea. They wanted to hear where she had been and what she was discovering. There was laughter, lively discussion and respect for different ways of thinking.
Their encouragement gave her room to keep searching.
One of Marlene’s most revealing reflections concerns faith, hope and charity. After leaving her childhood church, she initially thought those words no longer belonged in her vocabulary. Through her own experiences, she came to recognise that she still needed them.
She could question what she had inherited while discovering what remained meaningful to her. Finding her own way involved giving familiar words a deeper, more personal meaning.
When the community became her teachers
That willingness to learn runs through Marlene’s account of public health nursing.
Seeking guidance about working alongside the local Māori community, she was directed to senior kuia Harata Cash. At their arranged meeting, Harata welcomed her inside and handed her a five-kilogram bag of onions to peel.
Marlene peeled them.
It marked the beginning of a relationship that led to shared work, the Māori Women’s Welfare League, tangi, and time on marae. She speaks about these experiences with gratitude.
“The community became my teachers.”
Her choice of words matters. Marlene remembers being welcomed, taught and changed through those relationships. She describes the experience as a gift and a privilege.
Hearing what had not yet been spoken
One story brings that learning into sharp focus.
Marlene and her colleague Faye enthusiastically arranged a budgeting programme for a group of women. They had access to resources and tutors. They made the plans.
Nobody came.
They brought the women together again and listened more closely. Gradually, they began to hear a longing for connection with their own people—something some of the women had struggled to express.
Sessions with kaumātua and opportunities to work with harakeke followed. The smell of the flax brought back memories of aunties. Stories began to emerge. Marlene remembers sensing the women becoming restored and reconnected.
The failed programme became an opportunity for Marlene and Faye to deepen their understanding. Listening required enough openness to let the women’s experiences change the direction of the work.
An arm around her younger self
Throughout our conversation, Marlene returns to what others taught her. Her determination sits alongside gratitude; her independence alongside a willingness to be guided.
Perhaps that is what makes her closing reassurance so moving. She can look back on uncertainty and recognise the relationships, discoveries and unexpected turns that became meaningful parts of her life.
Her younger self could not have known about the Sunday conversations in London, the music she would discover, the family she would raise or the communities who would become her teachers.
At 86, Marlene can hold those experiences together. And with affection for the worried young woman she once was, she offers a few simple words:
“It’ll be okay.”
Watch the full conversation with Marlene Shrubshall on the Authentic Leadership Podcast.
