The Thing About Culture That People Don’t Get
Culture, a product of the society in which one is raised, shapes our behaviours and sets our expectations. At a superficial level, we all share common structures: children, parents, grandparents, spouses, siblings, family, friends, and so on. These are universally standard functions within any society. However, the more profound meaning and expectations of these roles can differ significantly, particularly in the contrast between collective and individualistic cultures.
In collective cultures, there used to be a saying that highlighted the blessing of having three generations living under one roof. This unified structure included grandparents, parents, and grandchildren, each with a specific role to ensure the group’s wellbeing. The father often provided financially, the mother nurtured the children, and the grandparents, living in retirement, enjoyed the fruits of their labour by raising their children, who now upheld the family name. This thinking, prominent during my upbringing, was reflected in movies and TV dramas. Thus, the family unit was seen as a cohesive structure where hierarchy and roles followed strict rules to maintain harmony. However, maintaining such a structure is increasingly challenging due to changes in social structure, particularly under the influence of capitalism, which is reshaping traditional family dynamics. This shift presents a significant challenge, and understanding it can foster empathy and appreciation for the complexities of cultural diversity.
Why am I sharing this? One significant aspect that Western societies often misunderstand is the expectation within these family roles in a collective culture. Despite societal changes making it less common for three generations to live together, the roles and responsibilities remain. Regardless of age, children are expected to obey and respect their parents’ decisions, even if it means choosing a career or education path they do not prefer. When parents say, “You can do whatever you want,” it might imply disappointment or relinquishing control, often with a hint of letdown. Some parents genuinely bless their children to make their own decisions. In Western societies, this phrase typically means granting autonomy and acknowledging that the individual is responsible for their own life choices.
In collective cultures, the belief in group harmony is paramount. This concept of ‘group harmony’ requires individuals to sacrifice and consider others, even if this means sacrificing one’s time and putting others first instead of oneself. This mutual support system ensures that everyone’s needs are met, and refusing to fulfil the request will be perceived as selfish. The idea is that while it might not be your turn to benefit now, later in life, your children will reciprocate your dedication. Thus, adult children are expected to support and respect their elder parents. These norms are instilled through folk stories and moral teachings, emphasizing group responsibility over individual desires.
In contrast, Western societies emphasize individual responsibility and decision-making, which are crucial for navigating a complex world. The societal structure aims to provide equal access to freedoms and information, enabling individuals to maximize their opportunities. The idea of exercising personal power and responsibility is highly valued. An example of this can be seen when two individuals working in the same field and having the same education and knowledge were taught not to speak up, to put their heads down and do the work, and to respect hierarchy due to their collective cultural upbringing. The other was encouraged to be an independent agent, to demonstrate and illustrate their value and autonomy by providing thoughts and sharing opinions congruent with their family upbringing and social structure. Who might excel better in their career development?
To further complicate the situation, in a collective culture, being an adult and having higher qualifications also means more responsibility, including helping with the family business or caregiving after work. In individualistic cultures, this support is usually given out of free will rather than obligation.
Someone from a collective culture could refuse these responsibilities, but the guilt and upbringing, emphasizing family over individual identity, make it difficult. Even if they break away, cultural and moral teachings often label them failures. Conversely, parents in individualistic cultures understand their children as independent agents who should make their own decisions without parental interference — adult children who choose not to have children face different pressures. In collective cultures, continuing the family name is a crucial duty. Coming out as gay and being the only son, for instance, can place immense pressure on an individual. While my parents have a different perspective due to their unique experiences, it doesn’t mean my father would celebrate my union with my husband. In individualistic societies, these issues are less tied to cultural duty and more to social prejudice.
Why am I sharing this? It’s essential to recognize that interpretations of situations vary widely. What seems trivial to one person can be deeply significant to another due to their upbringing and cultural beliefs. To genuinely understand and appreciate cultural diversity, we must consider the perspectives and contexts of everyone we encounter, regardless of their race, ethnicity, or nationality. By sharing our views and beliefs, we can better understand and appreciate the cultural contexts in which others live, avoiding judgment based on our own cultural biases and fostering a more open-minded perspective. This understanding can lead to a sense of enlightenment and a broader perspective on the world.
